T.G.I.M.

"This I know, that God is for me." ( Psalm 56:9 ) 

This morning in the predawn hours while the farm still sleeps, after a night of storms, I sit in the calm and quietness, to think for a moment before I read. Bible and coffee on my lap. Cleo purrs and pushes against me, imploring and insisting I make room for her too.

Today I'm attempting to wrap my mind around my oldest man child turning 40. It's the sort of thing that causes one to pause and reflect and take stock, to catch ones breath. At least it is for me, but I tend to think too much. Blessing or curse, it passed on to him too; both of us, perhaps too philosophical for our own good. 

I think about the walks we took near his old home in Atlanta before he and Melissa bought their first house a suburb over. We'd stroll down the wide sidewalk of Ponce de Leon Avenue. On one side of us would be the busy street traffic, beside the flow of cars was the constant stream of boxcars clanking over the steel rails. Oftentimes Johnny and I would have to shout over the noise in our existential debating. 

However, on the other side of our walk there was no life whatsoever, well except for the occasional visitor or dog walker. It is a cemetery spread out as far as the eye can see. Quiet, with a bit of an uneasiness to it. I couldn't remember seeing a cemetery so big. I would always point out to Johnny what a stark reality and sobering picture it was of this fragile existence we all walk through. Life and death on either side. How is it all governed? 

Before we could reach any solid conclusions on the problem of evil or solve the world's collective dilemmas, the sidewalk would run out, and we'd pivot around to go back to their apartment. But not before we stood a minute to enjoy the savory smells that floated out of the Dai Sing Noodle and Fortune Cookie Factory. 

In the last few years in the new neighborhood walks, my heart becomes overwhelmed with the grace of God in our lives. He allowed mental illness, doubt, death, and heartache, but saw us through. He didn't leave us to fend for ourselves. He also allowed mercy, belief, joy, and laughter. Johnny and I talk about this. 

God didn't cut and discard the pain from our lives like editing scraps on a director's floor, no, he was using it all along to transform us into the image of Christ. Nothing is wasted. The purposes and workings of our Sovereign Lord in his children's lives may be beyond our understanding, and how it all works itself out with our free agency, but the mystery is a sweetness too good to ignore. 

This morning I decided that's one of the perks of getting older and having a kid turn 40 - there's enough journey behind you to see much of God's almighty and gracious hand, and we should never pass up a chance to sit in the quiet and savor the sweetness. And to be thankful for it all. 

These walks have been some of my favorite life memories. I see now arriving at truth meant arriving back home. 

So, blessing it is, and never a curse. One can never think too much about God! 

In Christ, no matter what, it is always and always will be that God is for us! This I know. 

Happy Birthday, Johnny! 

I love you. 💙

Johnny & Melissa celebrating life.